#The time paradox

[yourartmatters-itswhatgotmehere]

unless it's always on your mind that She is somehow involved because She is always on your mind and you are only a little bit surprised♥

You know what I love about The Time Paradox? You spend half the book thinking that you know who the villain is, and then bam, 'This is not how she said it would go,' and suddenly you see it all in a different light.

[penultimatestalematewithdeath]

Choosing to believe Artemis’ “polymer frame” aircraft is indeed a fiber composite frame that is being mis-labeled in narration. For my own sanity.

[cantheywinthehungergames]

@rockett-to-the-purple-moon

Tribute Name: Artemis Fowl II

Age: 12-15 (biologically)

Restrictions: Can only use tools and weapons supplied in the Hunger Games arena

If you would like to see a character aged 12-18 enter the Hunger Games, please submit them through my asks. 19+ aged character submissions are currently closed.

Please also look at my pinned post for submission rules as well as a list of previously submitted characters prior to submitting your character.

[anna-undaunted]

“In another time” Holly said, and kissed him on the cheek.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Past Artemis and Present Artemis Are Not Allowed in the Same Room

If Number 1 kind of nudged the door open to time travel and wibbly wobbly timey wimey shenanagins in Lost Colony, then Artemis full-on kicked it down and yeeted a grenade through it in this book. Let's talk Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox.

As per usual, SPOILERS ABOUND below the break.

There are a ton of things about this book that are amazing and in order to stay at least a little organized, we're gonna use HEADINGS this time around! That's not to say the headings are in any particular order, but life has been lifeing and I need a little help making sure I gush about everything I want to here. Because while Eoin Colfer introduced time travel in the last book, this one is a whole TIME PARADOX PLOT!

Opal Koboi, Empress of our Hearts

So, there are places for nuanced, complex, morally gray villains who have carefully throught-through ethoses and who are compelling because of their tragedy. Those kinds of villains are great.

Opal Koboi is not that kind of villain.

Opal Koboi is a villain in the classic Disney sense. She is absolutely unhinged, wants nothing more than to be Empress of the Goddamn World, and absolutely revels in setting things on fire just to watch them burn. She is rock-solid on her own worth, she is terrifyingly intelligent, and she is equally fun when she is strutting around in her own success as when she is pitching a dramatical cats tantrum because somebody said "ethics" in her presence. Our girl is sheer fun from start to finish, and honestly I love how consistent she is.

In this book, we see Opal before the events of The Arctic Incident, and it's great to know that she has ALWAYS been unhinged and glorious. If anything, this book shows us that the plan to use the B'wa Kell to take over Haven was weirdly vanilla for Opal. Sucking the bodily fluids out of endangered animals to basically Captain America super serum herself is...way more on brand.

The bit where she is too narcissistic and paranoid to stay in character as Angeline Fowl for more than like 60 seconds once Jay Jay is in the room is also AMAZING. Talk about getting in your own way...

Artemis vs. Artemis

So sometimes as a series gets increasingly lengthy, it's good to remind readers and character how much your protagonists have grown. Eoin Colfer decided that time travel was a great way to take advantage of this, and reveled in it by giving readers 10-year-old Artemis's opinion of 18-year-old Artemis and vice versa for the entire book, and it is SO FUN. They both hate each other, and understandably so. They both also have qualities that the other begrudgingly respects, and ultimately they need BOTH Artemises to resolve the plot.

We also get some really lovely instances of Artemis outsmarting and bamboozling himself. This conceit had every chance of coming off as cringe as hell, but Colfer handed it with enough humor and humanity to make it feel real rather than like a whole book devoted to a vanity plot centered on Artemis thinking he's the best thig since sliced bread.

Artemis...That was WILDLY Uncool to do to Holly

Ok, so Artemis has grown a lot over the course of five books. He's matured. He's learned how to be a reluctant antihero. He and Holly are legit friends. Which somehow manages to make it EVEN WORSE when Artemis full-on knowingly tricks Holly into thinking that she not only gave his mother a fatal illness but also started a plague that at one point killed 20% of the fairy population in three years. There's honestly no coming back from that kind of breach of trust.

And no, giving Holly a chance to say goodbye to Commander Root does NOT make Holly and Artemis square. It nicely ties up a loose emotional thread, but it does NOT square the emotional devastation of infecting a friend's mother and starting the plague 2.0. That is possibly the least believable relationship dynamic in a book where Artemis and Holly KISS (no, we're not gonna talk about it, they were both under the influence of the time stream and it doesn't count).

The truly wild thing about this is that Artemis before the fairies was a cold-hearted little bastard capable of incredible cruelty, but once Artemis understands feelings and emotional relationships, he's suddenly capable of hurting people WAY MORE than he could when he was a tiny robotic human. And of course the person he takes aim at is HOLLY SHORT. Like, FFS, Artemis. You did less damage when you had the emotional intelligence of a gold ingot...

Butler

Domovoi Butler is too good for this world and we do not deserve him. Artemis sure as hell does not deserve him, past OR present. Past Butler full on calls 10-year-old Artemis out on the act that he is *checks notes* handing over the last of a species to a group of fanatics to be horribly murdered in a kangaroo court, fully sells a sentient elf to those same fanatics, does not emotionally let Artemis off the hook when he is experiencing guilt and shame over being an accessory to murder and extinction, and TURNS THE PLANE AROUND to go save Holly and 18-year-old Artemis from the extinctionists. And thats just past Butler.

Present Butler is such a goddamn badass that he resists a juiced-up Opal Koboi's mesmer so hard that he gives himself a heart attack. Not even Opal Koboi can pull a 180 on Butler's moral compass, and even when he can't fully fight her off, he can resist in little ways, like sticking breathing tubes in barrels. Someone let this man retire happily, he has MORE THAN earned it at this point.

Baby's First Ecocritical Text

Environmentalism and ecocriticism have been very present as secondary themes in the Artemis Fowl series from the very first book, but this is, I believe, the first book where this theme gets really explicit and has real, concrete plot consequences and implications. The "hunting animals to extinction is bad for [list of reasons]" isn't the deepest or most nuanced version of the argument, but it doesn't have to be. The audience for these books are middle graders and YA readers. They get a concrete introduction to ecocriticism and some very comprehensible examples of the consequences of extinction and pollution, and that's going to be enough for more of them than you'd think to keep thinking and reading about the issue.

I highlight this because so few middle grade and YA books do ecocriticism at all, let alone this clearly and concisely. I suspect we will see more of this as climate change keep wreaking absolute havoc on quite literally everything, but these books did it before it was cool, and I really appreciate that about them.

Overall, this book is not my favorite of the series. Time travel can be a hard sell, even if you weave the complexities of time travel around a relatively simple fetch quest. As per usual though, the character work is never not entertaining, and I do enjoy rereading this one periodically.

[beautifulenemychild]

I’m rereading Artemis Fowl and I just got to the middle/end of time paradox and my heart is kinda breaking? Like, Holly and Artemis were so close. And then arty had to go and fuck it up by lying to her and making her feel so guilty. I didn’t even want them to be a couple just that level of closeness that they had, it was so, idk, harmonious? I’m currently very heartbroken for them and idk why haha. The kicker was Holly being sure that ‘the most she and Artemis could ever have now was what they’d always had- grudging respect’ fuck arty. Why did you have to do that? You idiot, you could have HAD A REAL, CLOSE, BEST FRIEND. ANOTHER PIECE OF YOU, FOWL. Idk idk, it’s just they were even brought closer by all of the time stream stuff and sharing a consciousness pool.

[laeliana]

"I wish Minerva was here."

Holly looked back at Artemis, puzzled: "Why? I mean, I get that she's your girlfriend and everything, but why now, in this exact moment?"

Artemis made a small gesture towards his younger self, awaiting for them: "Because she has a lot of experience in putting that little prick where he belongs to."

[troubled-bog-witch]

№1 is so op at least in the lost colony Colfer nerfed him by making him, like, 10 years old with no idea what's going on and the self preservation skills of a jelly donut. After that he was just like "for kicks I'm gonna solve the 2 biggest problems from the first book, which coincidentally are the 2 biggest nuisances to all fae everywhere. The ritual is redundant and the law about human dwellings is overturned forever. Thank you thank you I'm here all week. Anyone need any time travel? Bless." Why do the last 3 books exist can't their warlock just Fix The Thing

[yourartmatters-itswhatgotmehere]

Sept1!! happiest birthday to my first, Artemis Fowl!!!

ARTEMIS FOWL BEST QUOTES/ WHY WE LOVE HIM SO.

………...……

“If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.”

“I want you to know, my dear friend, that without you, I would not be the person I am today." He leaned in close and whispered, "I was a broken boy, and you fixed me. Thank you.”

“Trust me. I'm a genius.”

“Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.”

“I don't like lollipops.”

………….……….…..………………………………………..

“I am not concerned with us all, just myself. And believe me, I shall be perfectly fine. Now, sit, please. “

“I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender? “

“Let’s save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP will send a crack Retrieval team to get back what has been lost.. You have done so. Excuse me while I titter. Crack team? Honestly. A Cub-Scout patrol armed with water pistols could have defeated them. “

“I prefer scared to dead. If possible. “

“Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.”

“But my father is so close, Butler. I can’t give up now. “

“The problem is that I know the textbook answers to any question you care to ask.”

"I think it's mine"

“Certainly, Doctor. Let's talk about your chair. Victorian?”

“Let’s just say I’m a very smart boy, Mister Spiro.”

"I'm glad to hear it Holly. But my eyes are blue, as you well know."

“And one more thing. About my name — Artemis — you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.”

“I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared. “

"Honestly, Butler, the second we return to the hotel, I am disposing of this outfit. I miss my suits."

“I do remember, Holly. I remember it all. Especially you. It’s a real comfort to have you here.”

"If we make it through this, we will be friends. Bonded by trauma."

“Butler! You’re here!”

"Finally, some intelligent conversation."

"I am not most humans."

"No one ever calls me just to say 'Hello'."

"I have a friend, he knows all the numbers."

"Holly, let me look at you. "

"Fabulous. We're planning a june wedding. "

"I know magic can be stolen... because I stole some myself."

"I have a trick for you. "

“Extraordinary, thought Artemis. What have I lost?”

“Remember the pain?' thought Artemis. I hate myself. I really do.”

"I hear you went on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?"

“Me. I’m the nut.”

“I love you, Mother. I love you more than life. If only you could know what I have been through to find little Jayjay. Just be still for five seconds, then this nightmare will be over.”

“I am prepared to invest everything I have in this project.”

"Five. Five is everywhere."

"Does the T-shirt have any writing on it?"

“Ah, my princess. Noble steed. How does the morning find you both?”

"You were here to rob me!"

"Inkblots! Please, doctor, my lifespan is considerably shorter than yours..."

“Is this a joke? I have travelled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little about relativity.”

“Perhaps we can win, he thought. But there will be no happy ending.”

““Artemis Fowl will never be secondary.”- “I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second? Said Holly.- “That’s different."

.

.

ARTEMIS FOWL SERIES

Artemis Fowl (2001)

Artemis Fowl : The Arctic Incident (2002)

Artemis Fowl : The Eternity Code (2003)

Artemis Fowl : The Opal Deception (2005)

Artemis Fowl : The Lost Colony (2006)

Artemis Fowl : The Time Paradox (2009)

Artemis Fowl : The Atlantis Complex (2010)

Artemis Fowl : The Last Guardian (2012)

+ Artemis Fowl Files (2005)

THEN: THE FOWL TWINS (2019)

.

[egophiliac]

can't believe that skeleman has turned on us, and Halloween Prom is tomorrow.

(what a top-tier UM...we are about to be just totally obliterated in the absolute silliest way. what possible use could this power have outside of bringing us to the brink of utter holiday disaster.)

[calista-222]

BLAZE 🔥🔥🔥!!!

[zhukzucraft]

@dei-lab-assistant ordered a Kakashi so here he is!

and here he is again minus the weird shading experiment!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Luo Binghe? Sorry, I only know Binghorse now.

[tardis-technician]

Man I don’t know if any official Doctor Who artists know Doctor Who like Alice X. Zhang knows Doctor Who. Like lots of people are technically skilled but hot damn Alice X. Zhang always understands the assignment.

God the fucking emotion in all of these pieces.

[cringefail-clown]

i think dirk would give up on his evil masterplan like one week into the journey if those three ganged up on him. hed turn the ship back in tears and, once returned, begged dave on his knees to never make him sit in a room alone with those fuckers. thats the seer power for you

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

I just can't get with Christianity because the age gap and power imbalance between God and Mary is so problematic.